Feb 3, 2011

SAG Award Misfits: Sag Edition

Yes, you read that correctly, the Sag edition, also known as the Bad Breast Edition. These are all the gowns, that are not necessarily horrible, in fact some are great, but they are not flattering on their wearer. It's a shame that woman allow their breast-friends (yes, I went there) so unjustly. Just say no to squishy, droopy, ill-proportioned boobs: the lesson of the day.

This is rather upsetting, since Amy Adams' vintage-inspired Herve L. Leroux cream chiffon jersey gown would have looked fabulous, if it didn't look like a Tensor bandage around her chest. She just had a baby, now is the time to take advantage of the excess volume, not squish them up like you're about to play an intense round of Ladies Varsity Volleyball.

Another dress that I would normally love, if only it didn't make small busted Claire Danes look even flatter. All she had to do was pull up her silk printed Louis Vuitton belted gown, and she would have looked great. The frill and embroidery at the bust line would have added volume, instead it hangs just a little too low to emphasize her lack of décolleté.

And then there's Boobs McGee, aka Mad Men's Christina Hendricks, who has had a great history of embracing all that she's been endowed with and making those infamous curves work. The SAGs were not one of those occasions. Her shimmering black L’Wren Scott dress resembled fancy bath robe, and made her chest look like a towel rack (see what I did there?). There was nothing flattering about the rest of this look either, the hair, heavy makeup, all of it was just wrong.

This is an incredibly unflattering view of a dress that wasn't half bad from the front. While it's not doing Eva Longoria's chest any favours, my main issue with this is that it's clearly a size too tight.

From the front, Eva’s toga-esque, draped gray Georges Hobeika Couture, looked nice for the most part, but I kept looking at feeling like something was off; it wasn't until I saw the photo above that I finally realized what that was.

WHY Julia Ormond? WHY would you do this to yourself? She looked great at the Critics Choice awards January 14th in a radiant, soft and romantic silk chiffon Tadashi Shoji flutter sleeved v-neck gown... and then there was this. This however is so incredibly sad and unflattering, she put the sag in SAGs. Again, see what I did there?

Is it just me or is there something very Natalie Portmanish about Glee's Naya Rivera here? There's something different about her face, but I can't put my finger on it.. her hair? Her skin? Perhaps a tweak here or there? Which she is clearly not opposed to *stares blatantly at her chest. I can't really decide what I think of her one-of-a-kind, hand-beaded pale gold Aurelio Costarella gown, all I can focus on are her disproportionately bulbous additions. Why girls feel the need to get implants too large for their frames, I do not understand. And with that said, I just realized I need to make a Dr's appointment, Mr (former). Vegas owes me a tweak of my own. Doctor 90210, here I come!

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