Mar 18, 2010

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

If you're like me and some of my friends, you embarked on a bit of a bar crawl yesterday; celebrated a friends birthday with matching decorated shirts with kicky slogans, got kicked out of one of the pubs for being IN THE WAY (yup that's it, we were in the way of the servers in a busy bar, and one server- who clearly needs to find a new job- got security to threaten us to leave), got separated from your group of 15 by 1 a.m. and your phone died in the middle of a conversation earlier on in the drunken night, got into some random guy's cab, got stopped by a RIDE program on the way to food, and felt like dirt when you woke up this morning. Fortunately though, if you're still like me, you did not need to work this morning and were able to tell the morning to F-off, and you went back to sleep for another 3 hours after gulping down copious amounts of water; and then did some much needed yoga after an hour of contemplating the previous evening. Which inspired this ode to my liver:

Dear Liver,
I deeply apologize for the uncharacteristic behaviour that you've had to endure not only yesterday but the past couple weeks, or months... or really since my second year living in Las Vegas. I swear it was never my intentions, but alcohol was so cheap there, and it what else does one do to entertain friends who come to visit Vegas? I mean really? Was I expected to show them the strip without a margarita in hand? How off putting would that have been for them? Also, once I started sipping again, it tasted so good, and I suppose I got carried away. I forgot after my extended absence from liquor how good it could taste, and even how many problems it could ease and erase, even if only for the night. I know that's no excuse, and yes I do know better. I'm sorry, I understand if you want some space, but I need you. I seriously could not live without you, and although I don't want to lie and make false promises, I do promise to make it up to you. In fact, I've decided in your honour to start a detox program. As soon as I finish the food in my fridge that is not on the menu, I believe I will begin the Fat Flush diet, and it's all for you liver, it has absolutely nothing to do with quick starting weight loss.

I hope that one day soon, you and I will be as we once were... I just want things to go back to the way they used to be; you took care of me, and I took care of you, and there was love and affection and gratitude and open communication. Perhaps if you had spoke up a long time ago about this issue, this may have been avoided. Hey! I'm not blaming you! I'm just trying to point out how important communication is, in such a committed relationship. We need to talk to each other, and not let things get to this point ever again.
Like I said, I need you; and I don't want us to end, not like this.
So I've decided to take this chance to publicly tell you how I feel, and hope that you still feel the same, I know I hurt you, but you know that's me, not the real me. I want you to remember the "me" you used to know and take care of, and realize that this relationship is worth taking the risk of getting hurt again and trying to make this work, and sticking by me. This present situation is nowhere near my ideal- Im sure it's not yours either- but let's not focus on the bad and instead focus on the future. I look forward to the day we can be friends again, Liver. -Aleashia

To think, all this because of some guy (St. Patrick) converted the Irish to Catholicism. Who knew that being Catholic meant dressing up all campy in a shit load of green, and drinking green beer until your liver breaks up with you, or you get kicked out of the bar. Not to say that I drink excessively, but it really doesn't take much for me to feel intoxicated, plus I was drinking vodka (I know, it should have been whiskey. Don't worry the Irish blood in me is already disappointed enough for both of us) spiked with green food colouring and a bit of water, so after 3 drinks I was on par with the rest of the group who were a good 6+ beers deep. But I digress.. I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised that a once Catholic celebration is such a drinking fest, considering this is the religion that tries to disguise drinking before noon as a religious offering.

Hope your day was great, and you had the day off to re-coup!

Photo courtesy of someecards.com

1 comment:

  1. sounds like you had fun! wish i could've been there (or got a mention in the blog haha). nice letter. i could see this spreading around in email chains and all that jazz. ooohhh.

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